I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This house was built for laser tag.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
