Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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