great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize