There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
