I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
