Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
