we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
