You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
