i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
