His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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