I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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