I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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