I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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