You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
