So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
