nutella sex= disaster
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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