he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
