Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize