you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
