Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
