I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
