so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
