Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
