why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize