she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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