I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
