I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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