So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
