Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
