A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
