Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
my liver is dry heaving
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
