if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
