he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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