Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
