Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We named our party play list daddy issues
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
