I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
