Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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