Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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