there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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