i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
