I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
