Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
