John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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