Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
