i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
