It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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