everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
