honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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