did you get engaged???
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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