people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
