this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
