I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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