he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
