erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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