She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
