I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
