Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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