this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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