dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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