I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize